Even as you cling like bumper lice to the driver ahead of you, you steer slightly to the left hoping to see more than three vehicles ahead, because this can’t last forever, right?

Your heart deflates at the top of each rise when you see nothing but metal and glass where pavement should be.

Typically, it’s one of two causes. It’s Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. Bonus logjams for car crashes and brush fires. Regardless, you’re regretting not downloading an audiobook to your phone.

2. You’ve stepped into a Sedona vortex with an open mind.

For the uninitiated (and if you are, there goes your shot at going 5-for-5 in this list), Sedona is said to have mysterious spots where spiritual energy emanates from the rocks.

Set foot into one of these areas and you may be inspired to change the planet. Or at least inspired to change your attitude toward the existence of psychic energy emanating from the local geology.

If you’ve come to a vortex — found at Airport Mesa, Cathedral Rock, Bell Rock and Boynton Canyon —maybe you’re receptive to the power. Try some yoga poses or tai-chi moves to block out distractions, maybe even those odd looks you’re getting from that jeep tour that just arrived, and bask in the power.

3. You’ve had a drink (or two) at Arizona’s most remote bar.

The Desert Bar, aka the Nellie E Saloon, is a solar-powered oasis at the end of a very rough road outside Parker in western Arizona. It’s open only on weekends from October through April. Owner Ken Coughlin has resisted pleas to extend business hours because, quite frankly, he doesn’t want to and it’s his bar.

Still, those in the know flock to the sun-drenched bar cradled by desert foothills. You’d never know Coughlin bought the land sight unseen, and just happened to luck out.

Amid the views, the food and the many Desert Bar T-shirts for sale, here’s what you won’t find: fancy craft beer, TVs and cell service. Deal with it.

And give yourself bonus points if you knew the bar only accepts cash.

4. You’ve stopped at Rock Springs Cafe for pie.

Even before the signs for Black Canyon City appear along Interstate 17, the siren call of fresh-baked pies seems to pull the car to the right as the Rock Springs off ramp gets closer by the mile. (This is also a sign that you’re drifting off to sleep. Don’t mistake the two.)

Whether on the way to or from the mountains, Rock Springs Café is a popular stop for pie fans (essentially, everyone). Pies are boxed and ready to go; slices also are sold for those who must dig in right away.

The café dates to 1918, when most people pulled over due to flat tires or overheated radiators. Stopping for pie is much more preferable, and highly recommended when traffic is (probably) at a standstill.

5. You make an annual summer pilgrimage to San Diego, and you want your ashes scattered at (favorite beach here).

Many Zonies (as we are called by those San Diegans not profiting off the tourist trade) reserve the same room in the same hotel in the same week every year.

Zonies with kids spend most of their time in the golden triangle of Balboa Park, SeaWorld and Mission Beach. Child-free Zonies spend most of their time in the golden triangle of margaritas, fine wine and locally brewed beer.

When the vacation ends, farewells are bid and reservations are made for next year, because not even the Capistrano swallows are as dependable as Zonies when it comes to annual migrations.